Nothing was ever set in stone

I was never trying to break or to fix you.  I only ever wanted to set both your head and your heart free.  Not to mention your body.


12 thoughts on “Nothing was ever set in stone

  1. This is so very beautiful. To me, it is the core of true love. And the key to unlock doors, not everyone wants their doors unlocked however. The road to that freedom can be a challenging and nerve-wrecking one and, speaking of which, can bring us to the edge of ourselves many a time. Secretly it is perhaps that freedom through love everyone longs for when embarking on the search of meaning, consciously or unconsciously… ?

    1. Thank you, Hanne. Though there may be some essential things most people (if not everyone) agree upon, it seems to me that there are as many ways of thinking about love as there are ways of loving. Some people want to be or feel enslaved by it, are set free precisely by being or feeling enslaved. And yes, sometimes it’s like that somewhat cheesy Richard Bach quote, ‘If you love something, set it free; if it comes backs it’s yours, if it doesn’t, it never was.’ Possession is as powerful a drug as freedom, in the being possessed by love sense. I think it depends on the lover and the loved, what they are each looking for, what they come to look for together. Me (and this probably sounds just as cheesy as Richard Bach), I guess I want to fly with the one I love when I am with her, to simultaneously possess her and feel possessed by her; and to give her thermals for her to glide where she will when I am not. To be the air beneath her wings. It’s easier said than done, of course, given life’s complications, and then there’s trying to sustain that over time. But it’s something to strive for, always.

      1. Thank you for sharing this. You capture it so well with your words. Your way of describing love for you is to me immensely powerful holding such poetic beauty. In no way is it cheesy, not to me. It stirs many thoughts. To me, there is a clear distinction between possessed by love and freedom through love or in its own right, connected to nothing but a place within. The first, I fully agree, is a drug, a very addictive drug that can bring many highs and lows. Freedom, to me, is never a drug, it feels to me like our most natural state of being from where love and everything else grows and can be looked at with a clear sense of what is and it has an effortlessness to it. Freedom like this, doesn’t have high or lows, it simply is. I’m not talking about freedom to do whatever you want to do that seems like a separation from others, but the freedom as an innate state of being that in some paradoxical way is deeply connected to others and everything and has the power to make others feel free too. It has no attachment to any certain outcome of things, it knows love in the moment that stretches beyond. When I write no attachments, I mean a strong aliveness and appreciation of what is, not to be confused with being detached, which to me, is somehow removing oneself from life and create a ‘fake’ freedom where nothing can touch us, but it leaves us slightly cold. With no attachment, I see it as everything touches me, deeply, but it doesn’t have a hold on me.
        Love for me, I can in no way say it better than you. However, I would use a different word than possessed, to me it more has a feeling of a deep knowing that I love and are loved, that somehow stays untouched by disagreements, circumstances or other difficulties that inevitably arises when being with or loving someone.
        I don’t know if what I write makes any sense, I apologize if it’s unclear, I don’t seem to be able to quite find the words to what I’m pointing at. I’ll end it however with your sentence; it’s something to strive for, always.

        1. You make the distinction very well, between being in love – that deep knowing it is so – and the precondition of feeling free to love or to be, in a mindfully alert sense.

          And if things were different, I think I would simply agree with you. But in fact freedom does feel like a drug to me, when I’m craving it, because to be honest I don’t feel that I really have it, not in a complete sense, except in the company of the one person who understands (or knows) me more or less completely. I had what I would call extreme freedom when I was alone abroad many years ago, and it was a time of highs and lows; perhaps it was the backdrop to those ups and downs, but it felt like I was free to experience them then, whereas now, my highs and lows are hidden away. That’s the price I’m paying for not being able to live as freely and as truly as I would like. And I’m conscious as I write this that I think you’re talking about an (ideally) universal kind of freedom, whereas I’m talking about a ‘first world’ kind of problem, in that in a sense, I have everything, and yet I have nothing. I am not using the gift of my freedom as wisely as I ought. I’m sure I’m contradicting myself here, so I’d best stop before I tie myself in further knots…

  2. I have read your reply many times now, then left it to ponder and reflect on it, in order to do your words justice. I’m not sure I can, however it’s my intent.
    You are right, I’m pointing towards a universal kind of freedom that lives within and somehow not necessarily has to do with circumstances. So in a sense, no matter outside limitations there can exist a profound sense of freedom within that somehow is untouchable. Whereas the high and lows, in my experience comes when feeling disconnected from this space. I’m not so ignorant to think we, except for perhaps the very few, can have it as a constant state within, but when it is touched upon and felt, it to me feels more real than anything and the blurriness of reality dissolves and there is a clear view.
    We can be trapped in many outside situations that enters the being and takes root there and block the feeling of being free or the other way around, the access to that freedom is just blocked for no apparent reason but conditioning perhaps or something else. Even though on the outside there is absolute freedom. But to me that isn’t what I would call freedom, or maybe it is, in your words, a first world kind of freedom. I have experienced the extreme freedom I think you talk about too, with highs and lows, felt or hidden away. I had everything, but I had nothing. And I have experienced my whole outside world literally crumble within a day, but instead of despair I felt I was a silent eye watching it, observing it, emotions pouring through me like tidal waves and yet. I felt and was free. It’s one of a few very bizarre and profound things I have ever experienced. Of course it didn’t last forever, it did though, regarding my crumbling world at that time, it was as if a letting go I was in no control of happened simultaneously and it did leave an everlasting impact on me and how I perceive the world, love and freedom and us in it. It made me realize that to me, everything is colored by how it looks within, reality is created from how it looks within. That if I wish for freedom there is only one place to look for it, within. Everything and nothing exists within, for me.
    Now, I think I might be the one who has tied myself into many knots… I wonder if it’s all in a way contradictions, but who is to say they can’t live side by side?
    p.s. apologies if I’m repeating myself.
    p.p.s. Do you mind if I read posts from ‘the broken road’? I think I’ve read all your posts on Endless Landscapes…

    1. Yes, of course I do have that profound sense of untouchable freedom, when my mind is able to wander where it will, and when I sit down to write, or when I am writing in my head regardless of where I am and what I should be paying attention to in my day-to-day life. My thoughts and my imagination are my freedom, and while the former sometimes drive me half-crazy and the latter sometimes dries up, you remind me that I should never stop being grateful for the gift of being able to indulge them.

      That’s an incredible-sounding experience, the one you describe. I want to say it’s one I recognise, but I think that might be overstating the case from my point of view, not to mention underplaying the impact that such an experience evidently had on you. Thank you for sharing it here.

      You’re very welcome to go ahead and read Myriorama, but please don’t feel obliged to!

      1. When I read your posts, I sense that effortless flow and freedom you describe here, even through a heart-breaking theme yet immensely beautiful theme. It has puzzled me in a deep sense how you manage to write something so personal with much love and also hurt in it without there being not the slightest touch or sense of being a ‘victim’ of this love. I have been and am utterly impressed by this and I think you just gave me the answer in your reply above. When you write you are free.
        I can fully relate to the times when thoughts also can dry one half crazy and imagination and creativity can dry up, when it happens to me, particularly in relation to my creativity, I try and look at it as the tides. Ebb and flow. and the ancient words “this too will pass”.

        I’m glad my story of this experience is recognized, I see it in no way diminished by how you can relate to it. I also feel like adding to that experience, besides the strong impact it had on me, it also had a deeply painful side-effect. ‘Ordinary life’ seemed flat and dull in comparison when my, what I would call, programmed mind and thoughts took over, and I felt utterly lost for years after when I couldn’t feel, see or touch that space yet knowing it was there and the truest thing I had ever felt and ‘seen’. The one word that came to me back then of what it was, was love. Not related to anyone or anything, but the pure merciless and merciful love that somehow didn’t care about ‘the me’ but only about the life-source, in lack of a better word, within me. When I read your posts, it’s somehow this kind of love I sense in your words and in between the lines.

        I assure you, it is from no sense of obligation I read your posts. There is far between such good writing and if time passes where I don’t read, it is only because I want to be in a space of full attention to dive into it. It deserves that.

        1. There have been times when I have felt – and shown that I felt – a victim of my love. I try to keep myself from feeling that way, but inevitably more than occasionally I struggle with the infinite complexity of this love, and though I consider myself a relatively patient man, my patience can and does break. But when I am writing, I do my best to concentrate on what really matters, and that is the vitality and width and depth and presence of the love that I feel, of the feelings whether they are sorrowful or full of joy. I want to honour the love in all the many ways that manifests itself; it’s an unwritten rule that I strive never to denigrate it, because to do so immediately contradicts and confounds it. Besides, it’s not even a case of trying or concentrating or honouring, the love simply is my natural state, the space where I am free to say or imagine exactly what it is that I want and feel. What it is that I am.

          I think I also recognise what you say about ‘ordinary life’ seeming flat and dull in comparison with the space you were previously inhabiting, and the source within you lighting the way. I’m humbled by your being able to sense something similar in my words and I’m very appreciative of you wading through them. I know you don’t see it as an obligation, but there are an awful lot…

  3. I think, for most of us ‘mortals’ there will from time to time be an element of feeling caught and chained by events and circumstances and we do ourselves a gentle favor by not being too hard on ourselves in this. An acceptance and surrender to that which is, that which we are, not as a passive thing of giving up, on the contrary a paradoxical way of actively being with all the colors of life and within one self, the dark and the light, without making one better than the other, they just ‘feel’ different. And if being who you are is to be with what really matters. It is, from where I look, graceful and holds a lot of dignity. Again they are just words. Simply being just who you are, no matter how that shows up from day to day, is everything.
    For me, no matter what I write or say here or in my words on my blog, it’s always contradictory, because behind it all, I have this peculiar constant sense of something infinite and timeless that has no condition, no words, it is nothing that appears as everything, that doesn’t have a beginning or an end whereas human life as I perceive it, is the opposite of all that. And yet, the key for me is to as much as I possibly can, embrace it all and not take myself too serious in it. Of course I fail at that numerous times and that is ok too. It does no longer feel as a ‘curse’ when I don’t feel the vastness of it all, because somehow behind it all, I do, like a constant presence.
    I’m sure our experiences are quite similar although the story is different in having seen and felt love and the ‘flatness’ of it when we don’t. A feeling of the ‘magic’ is gone. So yes, again, there is a lot of resonance happening when reading through your posts and I find it fascinating, since what lead to these experience are two very different stories…
    Fortunately, there is an awful lot of posts and so far I’ve not read on posts that doesn’t touch upon something beyond words, yet you find the words still, like energy flowing, fresh an new, it is present. How can that be? I don’t know, but it is so. Maybe because love in itself never grows old, it knows no time or distance…

    1. Thank you for all the wisdom in your words here. It’s funny, while I call this ‘The endless landscape’, I think I am more bound by the human lifespan than you are. I get flashes of the eternal, reaching back and forth in time, especially when out in the wilds of the world, but I don’t feel it as a constant presence. I probably ought to get out more.

      And yes, I think you’re absolutely right – love in itself never grows old.

      1. Thank you for your kind words. I don’t know if it is wisdom but it certainly is a lot of reflections upon life that never seizes to stop. Once my mind was making a terrible noise from all the contradictions until I made peace with them which turned into quite a fascination instead, seeing they can live side by side.

        I mostly do find myself drawn towards the wild and untouched (as much as the latter is possible) no matter where my solitary wandering feet take me in the world and it is without a doubt where the presence of no-thing seems to expand although I more think what really happens is whatever thick human layers I’m carrying falls away…

        1. Yes, the thick layers of civilisation falling away, and becoming one with the elemental. I suspect I need a good long dose of that. Screen-stuck, is what I am, too much of the time.

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